Looking for Angels
by Pyro Psychotic
Summary: AU Connor looses his brother and this is his story of struggle to stay behind. Barely a mention of Mpreg and Racism. Suicide. Part of a larger fic that has yet to be posted. Angst and it's an elegy. NOT A SONGFIC! Rated M to be safe. May change rating.


I hope you guys like this. Yes I know some of you may not want to read this because it says mpreg in the summary but it is the tiniest mention of it. Those of you who still don't want to read it: You can Kiss me Irish Ass(actually the name of song by the Keltic Cowboys!)! and What the fuck are you still doin' here?

This an elegy poem, though will not let me keep it in it's original format. It makes no difference anyway.

No this is not slash. Though I will read it, sometimes, I REFUSE to write ConnorxMurphy. I can honestly say that the larger fic that inspired this, which is still in the works, came to me as I was fallin' asleep after watchin' #2 for the first time. I was shocked my thoughts went that way and almost didn't post anything about it. But after encouragement, I did.

Warnings: Mentions of mpreg, suicide and racism. If you don't like it, you can join the line of people waitin' to kiss my ass!

Disclaimer: I don't own any recognizable characters, they belong to Troy Duffy. I am borrowing them and returning them in ruffly the same condition I got them. Don't sue, is too poor to flee country again! I do own Noah Murphy and Kelly Rose and I'm sorry if my characters have the same names as anyone else's. I just picked the best Irish names I could think of.

Well I'll quit my ramblin' and enjoy Looking for Angels!

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><p>As he walked away he thought<p>

of the place he was leaving.

For so long it had been his home,

though it now held only bitterness

and guilt. And both were by his

own hand. The bitterness, akin to

a bad stench, never left only flowed

and receded, like the tide. He had

no one to blame save himself.

That night will always

stand bright in his tired mind.

Guilt always haunting him,

for he stared into eyes  
>so blue they equaled his own<p>

and did nothing. Did nothing

as their owner died,

leaving two precious reminders

in the departed soul's fresh wake.

He screamed for hours,

never once waking the babes

wrapped in old remnants

of their mother. Soon after

he decided to move. With the help

of old friends, he took the twins

and settled in a small town

700 miles from his past life.

He couldn't sleep

once they settled in.

For if he did he would be haunted

by his brother's ghostly figure

condemning Connor for his inaction.

It was as though Murphy's spirit

denied him sleep, as penance for his

unnecessary and early demise.

That fact has not changed

in 7 years. And it's only

gotten worse. Kelly and Noah

kept asking about their mom.

It was for school, though mostly

for curiosity, They'd never heard

anything to do about their mom

nor seen any pictures in their

modest home. So in their shared

solitude, far from home, he told them.

He told them, not complete, stories

of their mother and him, of life in

Boston and in Ireland. He told of

their grandpa, a hint of longing

hiding in his voice, whom they would

never meet. Although they were only

8, Noah Murphy and Kelly Rose

could see the haunted look of  
>deep blue eyes, eyes all three<p>

MacManus shared.

It was those eyes that would

kill him in the end.

As his Da had said

in the long past, "Peace is the

enemy of Memory." Well now

that it has been peaceful for

8 more years, the painful memories

seldom left him. Noah could now be

Murphy's clone sending pain coursing

through Connor's soul each time

he spoke. Though it was Kelly

that pained him much more.

She had the same attitude and soul

as Murph, the only thing

Noah did not possess.

It tore h im apart, seeing them

bicker exactly like him and

Murph used to do so long ago.

Though it only took the tiniest

of incidents to nail his coffin

wholly together. Noah and Kelly

came home from school, saying a

racist pig had tried to attack them

with a gang of his friends. They fought

hard and won, watching each others backs

like Connor had taught them, only

for this guy to come back later,

a life-destroyer pointed confidently

at Kelly. They try to restrain

Noah, only for him to break free and

knock Racy's pals clean out. He got Kelly

away from Racy and, together, they ran

being only 2 miles from home. Connor

asked why this kid, who had never bugged

them before, decided to this day.

They replied with pride because their

mother and uncle were Saints.

Those were the loudest words

that had ever rang in Connor's ears.

They cemented that no matter where

he went, even if he was 700 miles

from Boston, his old life would find

him again. He had been foolish to

think it wouldn't.

It was then he knew how to

keep Kelly and Noah safe once and

for all.

He set it all up,

his final plan being his most brilliant

and well executed, going off without

a single hitch. After the bullet's

job was done, Smecker would,

as per his instructions, find the twins

enjoying a picnic in the maze of trees.

He was then to take them and their

pre-packed bags to an airport,

give them their tickets and things

and put them on an airplane to

his home of rolling hills,

which gave the phrase "God's

green earth" it's life. Smecker was to

tell them nothing.

Only once they had landed

would they learn of Connor's deed.

They may think him selfish,

uprooting them from stable lives and

friends. Only a select few,

not the twins, would truly know

why Connor did it. To protect them

and to see his own precious

twin again after 16 painful and

arduous years.

Now you, my reader, tell me.

Is that so selfish? Wanting your family

after such a long time?

I should think not.

* * *

><p>I hope you all enjoyed! I'll be posting other BdS fanfics soon and will update all others. REVIEW! Reviews r meh noms! Feed teh starvin' kitteh! Reviews inspire me! Also please vote in my poll! I've really been slow to update cus I don't know what you people want to see the most! Even if it's just one person voting, I WANT VOTES! PLEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAASE! Well I'm out, gotta let the pup outside to drain the main vain and so he doesn't eat anything in the house! Oh and the title is the name of a song by Skillet. This is not a songfic, I just was listening to that song when I started this assignment in school. You can judge for yourself if it fits in anyway.<p>

WADR,(not in a mean way)

Pyro Psychotic


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